it's 3 in the morning and I'm still no where near tired... my little one is tucked in her crib upstairs next to her mama and my big kid is having a sleepover (his second) with his auntie and uncle, who are visiting from illinois and staying nearby at a hotel.
and me? well... i'm stalking the internet for any information on my children's birthfamilies. I've netted nada on James' first mom S. and equally nada on Anna's. I *have* found a picture of Anna's birth grandma, learned that BGM's brother was murdered in the 70's (still unsolved) and found a recentish picture of James' half sibling.
It's been just over a year since I last spoke with S. ...We left that visit with talks of openning up our adoption (it's always been wide open on our end... and less so on hers). I was hopeful that we'd be in touch, but things haven't happened that way. The cell # she gave me no longer works, and the go-between friend we used to communicate has fallen off the planet despite multiple attempts at emailing.
I miss her. I wish I knew how she was doing... wish I could share James' milestones with her.
* * * * * *
Life is busy, but good. Very good. I've struggled with being a SAHM to two little ones and with finding a new PT job, and have felt very overwhelmed at times, but summer has brought her beach trips and babies-dipped-in-lotion smells with her and my worries are baking away.