Wednesday, February 28, 2007

2 month Dr.'s appt....

So baby girl went in for her 2 month check up today, and the short version is there was nothing discovered that would sway us from adopting her if we get that chance!! (waiting on pins and needles for birthfamily's ok this weekend, which is the last piece before it's 100% official....)
Here's the long version for those interested....

Apparently her pediatrician heard a heart murmur, so she'll be seeing the cardiologist to ensure that it's no big deal... likely it'll be fine, but even if it's the worst case scenario and she needs surgery to close a hole we're still blissfully moving forward. Otherwise, she's developing perfectly..

She's 9 lbs 4 oz, and 21 inches long... and the doc was thrilled with her weight gain and development (born at 5 lbs 13 oz). She's smiling and cooing and wasn't fussy during the visit at all, except when she had her shots. :( But she recovered quickly and had a bottle and according to our agency worker, she's even more adorable now than in the month old pics they sent us... She has some big filled out cheeks now. Swoon.

They're going to call us tomorrow with the date of the cardiologist appt (should be this or next week) and the time the bfamily caseworker will be presenting us to the bfamily this weekend. They'll call us this weekend right after the appt to give us the scoop so we won't have to agonize until Monday.

But if it falls through, I'm totally going to have to check myself in somewhere, so you all better promise to visit me. I've tossed aside "not getting emotionally invested" so fast my head is spinning....

Tuesday, February 27, 2007

So I spoke with our agency contact today... and things are still moving forward with TMB's adoption (whew!). It really was starting to feel like a dream.

We sent in our homestudy addendum and financial statement, our agency contact spoke with our homestudy worker today, and the agency has given us their official approval as the family for TMB. The only thing left (besides paperwork and ICPC) is for TMB's bfamily to give their approval of us, which we've been assured is likely to happen. That happens Saturday.

Our homestudy updates are basically written, we're just waiting on one set of clearances to make thier way to the office and it'll be done. We're hoping it'll be in our agency's possession by mid next week at the latest, and should work it's way through ICPC within two weeks -- maybe earlier. That'd have us picking up TMB in 3 - 3 1/2 weeks, if not sooner. Yay!

We'll probably leave James here with my mom/dad overnight (first time... sniffle). We're flying, because the idea of navigating Gigantic City and driving 8+ hours home with a two/three month old I've just met makes my head bleed.

Wednesday TMB has her two month checkup and we/our ped. will get her medical records. So, basically we wait for the medical update and to hear that our clearances are in, and then to hear on Saturday that her bfamily has given their ok for us adopting her. As soon as we get their ok, I'll post her 1 month pic on here... I can't wait!!

We've been scrambling to pull together everything, but we're also having a lot of fun shopping and squealing over her cuteness with friends and family. J put together a new dresser/changing table for bitty girl clothes, and I bought out the 0/3 and 3/6 sections at the local resale shops... and scored a LOT of cute outfits. Oh... and we bought a pack of bubblegum pink wall dots, so James and TMB's room has lime green, sky blue and bubblegum pink dots on the walls now.. it looks awesome.

Emotionally, I vacillate between completely numb and terrified. Excitement creeps in, but only in snatches. ..I know I'll feel SO much better once I hear that TMB's birthfamily has given their official approval.. it's the last piece before we can really call her ours, and despite the agency's assurances that they're really just looking for a 'good' family (and have no other requirements), I'm still terrified of things falling through.

That's the update for now.... thanks for following along.

Friday, February 23, 2007

I don't even know where to begin...!

I got the call from our agency around 2:00 pm yesterday ... at first, our contact's tone of voice made me think she was trying to let me down easy.. but then I heard the magic words "the other family decided to pass" and then I couldn't hear anything for at least 10 seconds because my ears were roaring. It was quite the afternoon -- friends (including the fab Cheese and Whine) witnessed the call, and my shocked expression, and my maniacal jumping, and were able to keep me sane while I got a cramp in my finger from all the refreshing I was doing while waiting to see emailed photos.

Anyway, as things stand now, we're the only family being considered. !! Baby girl goes in for her two month appt next Wednesday, and we're officially waiting to commit until we hear from the doctor and get her medical records, but they've been very forthcoming and we don't expect to hear anything that will sway us away from moving forward. So, it's looking REALLY good that she'll be our daughter!

Ok, now the good part: Maybe-baby was born on Dec. 28th, had apgars of 8 and 9, and weighed 5 lbs 13 oz. (peanut!). She's in private foster care, and her FM says she is very smiley and has just begun vocalizing.

They sent me about ten pictures... oh God... she is SOOOOOO cute! SO CUTE! Pouty lips, good amount of black straight hair, chubby cheeks... her complexion is similar to James', maybe a smidge darker. She's GORGEOUS. I wish I could share them, but until this is a done deal I don't feel comfortable posting them publicly.

I'm not sure when we'll be able to pick her up... I'm thinking not for a few weeks... we've got to finish our homestudy updates, do ICPC, blahde blah... I'm really not sure exactly when she'll be home.

I know I sound calm... but I'm close to certifiable at this point... . I'm NOT complaining, but WHOA this happened fast and my emotions haven't caught up beyond insanely excited, incredulous, and completely overwhelmed. I mean, who calls to ask if their agency got their profile and is presented with a baby born, birthmom TPRed but hopefully still open adoption situation the same/next day? Huh? Huh? I need to go find some wood to knock on.

That's it for now... there's lots still unsaid, so tune in. :)

Thursday, February 22, 2007

Tuesday, February 20, 2007

update: goodbye sanity.

Ok. Trying to breathe. Failing.

I spoke with our agency contact this afternoon, who shared info on a child they're hoping to place.

A little girl, born at the end of December (so almost 8 wks old). The risk factors she may face are ones we feel capable of parenting. She's got great apgars, and is developing appropriately. She's in private foster care. Birthmom voluntarily TPRed last month and the time for revocation is already over. BF issues not applicable. Fees are completely reasonable.

Only catch -- there is a family considering adopting her who is in line before us. If they decide to move forward (and according to the agency contact it could go either way) she's theirs. If they decide not to move forward, she's ours. We'll know their decision as early as tomorrow -- as late as Friday.

I am FREAKING out.

I'm not sure what to wish for here -- obviously we want to parent her (ok, that's an understatement) but we also don't want to wish that the family considering adopting her decides NOT to move forward. Intellectually I know the child supposed to be ours will find us, but I'm having a hard time being zen about this.

How the hell am I supposed to do anything other than obsess over this for the next few days? OMG, it's SO hard knowing that there's a little girl in the world that could become our daughter and it all hinges on a family making a phone call saying "We're not the family for her".

I think I'm going to puke.

Happy Birthday, SBJ

My big two year old boy!! (shirt idea totally stolen from Mayhem's son's 2nd birthday)

James devouring his cake...

We bowed to his obsession with trains and had a train themed party. I was insanely proud of myself for assembling/frosting this cake... I hate baking but enjoy this one project each year.

...The only thing that would have made his birthday more perfect would have been hearing from S. That thick, fat pride and love you have for your child... I wish she and I could share in that together.. plus, selfishly, I miss her and I know with the passing of James' birthday... she's likely hurting with very few people to reach out to. I think of her every day.
James is starting to grasp concepts so fast, I cant keep up with all the milestones he's hitting. His latest fascination is letters -- he knows about half the letters of the alphabet by sight consistently, though he will confuse them if they look similar sometimes... D and P, etc. All this is self-led too, which rocks. He's still slightly speech delayed... but finally talking in two and three word sentences... his vocabulary and ennunciation skills still need some work, but it's been a really encouraging few months speech-wise.

He's definitely heading into the toddler push and pull of wanting control yet wanting to be babied-- we have huge battles getting him into a grocery cart, for example, but overall he's still the same funny, affectionate, genuinely kind little guy.. just a slightly bigger, grocery-cart hating version.

At two, James loves: trains, Elmo, babies, dancing to Beyonce, making pancakes or cookies with J, making huge block towers and then maniacally knocking them down, offering hugs to avoid dreaded diaper changes, long toy-filled baths, his family to include honorary aunties and uncles, playing with playdoh, saying "WOW MAMA" all day long, and 'helping' us do everything from fold clothes to vaccum (he'll even lift up the fabric floor panel on our couch to vaccuum under it with his toy vaccuum) to feeding the pets.

J and I remain desperately in love.

<3 <3 to my big boy.

Monday, February 19, 2007

my non-baby and my maybe-baby

James is two. :) Much longer post tomorrow on his new two-ness, complete with a few pics from his birthday party.... he's too big (and already answering "Three!" when people ask him how old he is..)


Ever get one of those feelings that something is happening? That's where I'm at right now... my skin is in constant goosebumps and my subconcious keeps focusing in on a baby making his/her way to us soon. It's all I dream of... an endless loop of squishy brown faces with big eyes and pouty mouths.

Tomorrow is our first homestudy update appt with the worker who wrote up our homestudy for James' adoption. Saturday we sent our profile to the agency we're working with... they should receive it tomorrow or Wednesday. I've spoken with the program contact person G. and she was very encouraging of our chances of adopting this way -- which would be so amazing because the fees are ridiculously low and very much in our miniscule budget. The agency is well known for being ethical and counseling expectant parents on their choices -- over 65% of eparents considering adoption choose to parent, which is a well-supported choice there. They also place a strong emphasis on open adoption... which we're thrilled about.

Anyway... I spoke with G. and she mentioned they're working with a few women due soon who may be a good mutual 'fit'. She asked us to really work on getting our homestudy updates done soon. I can't shake the feeling that our maybe-baby is on her/his way to us...

Then today I hit up the Goodwill children's section and landed about ten to twelve A-flippin-doable baby girl outfits... obviously all from the same well-off momma of fabulous taste, and all looking brand new. Each was $2. Whee! I couldn't help myself. Maybe it's a sign??

I'll update more tomorrow.... must go wake the wife and relinquish the laptop so J can do work...