Ok. Trying to breathe. Failing.
I spoke with our agency contact this afternoon, who shared info on a child they're hoping to place.
A little girl, born at the end of December (so almost 8 wks old). The risk factors she may face are ones we feel capable of parenting. She's got great apgars, and is developing appropriately. She's in private foster care. Birthmom voluntarily TPRed last month and the time for revocation is already over. BF issues not applicable. Fees are completely reasonable.
Only catch -- there is a family considering adopting her who is in line before us. If they decide to move forward (and according to the agency contact it could go either way) she's theirs. If they decide not to move forward, she's ours. We'll know their decision as early as tomorrow -- as late as Friday.
I am FREAKING out.
I'm not sure what to wish for here -- obviously we want to parent her (ok, that's an understatement) but we also don't want to wish that the family considering adopting her decides NOT to move forward. Intellectually I know the child supposed to be ours will find us, but I'm having a hard time being zen about this.
How the hell am I supposed to do anything other than obsess over this for the next few days? OMG, it's SO hard knowing that there's a little girl in the world that could become our daughter and it all hinges on a family making a phone call saying "We're not the family for her".
I think I'm going to puke.