i'm the gay. so fucking what.

All the talk about Bush pushing a federal ban on same-sex marriage is making me violent. Yeah, yeah.. I know: it's not going to pass, there aren't enough votes in the Senate to create a 2/3rds majority, Bush is only bringing this up to rally the base and pander to the uber-right in time for elections... yada yada. I get it.

It doesn't make being used a a wedge issue -- as a pawn in the political machine -- any less painful. It doesn't make me any less sad. Any less disappointed in humanity. Any less angry.

Why can't my son have two legal mothers? How is that hurting the institution of marriage? How does me legally marrying my spouse affect any other partnership or marraige -- gay or straight?

If you're straight -- think about your partner dieing, leaving you with a small child you have no legal right to. You now have to go through a homestudy and adoption process, just to continue to care for the child you've been parenting from birth. Think about having no legal access to survivor benefits. Think about facing the very real possibility that your right to make burial arrangements for your spouse could be challenged by an unaccepting family member. That you may have been denied the ability to see your partner in the hospital while he or she was dieing.

Think about reading headline after headline stating "Adoption laws for opposite sex couples being challenged" or that your government has an unhealthy fixation on whether or not you should be allowed to be married to your spouse. Think about being preached against at your place or worship. Think about being held to a higher standard as a parent, and as a person. Think about being "other". Think about worrying how out you should be at your job, with the new neighbors, or in your child's school. Think about hearing "That's so straight" -- where straight means "stupid" -- regularly in your workplace or in your circle of friends. Think about people boiling down your complex, loving relationship to your spouse to only a sexual relationship. Think about being told you're "flaunting your sexuality" by holding your spouse's hand or kissing him or her goodbye.

Think about knowing that a LOT of people in the world, without knowing a damn thing about you or your life and love, fear you. Think about a world where people can form a 'church' where members are so disconnected from reality that they will picket the funeral of a victim of a hate crime, that they'll carry signs saying "Thank God for AIDS" or "Die Faggot".

Think about having to carry that, day in and day out, without letting it color the way to stay open to new people, without it coloring how you go about living and loving and fighting for your place in the world.

I bet you'd be fucking angry too.