adoption terms that annoy me..

"birthmother" or "potential birthmother" -- when used to refer to a woman who is pregnant and considering making an adoption plan for her child. She's not a birthmother until she has given birth, remade her adoption decision, and relinquished her parental rights. Until then: she's an "expectant mother" or just plain "mother".

"our (or my) birthmother" -- S. is my SON'S birthmother. She's not MY birthmother. Nor is she J's birthmother.

"gift" -- a child is a child, not a gift. While yes, raising children *is* a gift, placing a child for adoption is NOT "gifting" a couple with that child.

"changed her mind" -- Technically maybe. But here's the rub. These babies *aren't* ours until their first parents decide definitively that they can't/aren't going to parent them. Until them, they are not remotely ours, no matter HOW attached (and trust me, I get it) we get to the idea of them being ours. Using terms like those above does NO ONE any favors. They disparage birthparents/expectant parents and they allow too much entitlement for Pap's.

... Oh.. two other first mom related terms I see online hopeful adoptive parents use that annoy me to no end: "birthmommy" and "special angel". If I were an expectant mom looking over profiles using these terms, I wouldn't even get past the greeting. Ugh. Let' not even talk about the woman in my adoption seminar who refused to use the word "mother" to refer to her child's first mom in any context. She wanted to use "birth LADY" when talking to her child -- because "After all -- *I'm* the mother, the one who'll be *raising* the child." (gag. vomit. collapse.)